Before we move off the topic of communication, I thought it would be important to pick up where we ended our last blog. When we think of communicating our thoughts naturally go first to what we are saying. In order to be effective at communication we need to think about what we are hearing as well. Active listening is critical for strong communication and that means we must use our eyes as well as our ears.
The importance of listening was captured quite succinctly in an excellent post on Christian-leader.org. http://christian-leadership.org/communication-tips-for-servant-leaders-do-you-fail-to-communicate-because-you-fail-to-listen/ They said, “If you fail to listen you will fail to communicate. In this post, we will summarize their advice.
Most humans have a fundamental question when interacting with others. As we engage, we may often think, “What’s in it for me?” In other words, what can I take from this interaction that will be of value for me? For those who are following you as a leader that may translate into “How do I know what I need to do?”
While it is obviously important for you to share what you require of the person you are communicating with, it is equally if not more important, for you to know that they understood and that you’ve answered any questions or concerns they may have. Failure to do that may lead to confusion, errors in implementation and perhaps even damaged relationships.
We mentioned “listening with your eyes”. That was not a typo. Body language is very important when listening to others. They could be nodding their heads in agreement, but their body language may be the better clue to what they are actually thinking. Facial expressions, posture, lack of attention, etc. all provide a more transparent message of how your communication is being received.
Active listening means making sure you fully understand what the other party is saying, with, or without, words. If they feel heard, you will engage them better, establish a rapport and strengthen your relationship.
Their post concludes with a recommendation to incorporate a feedback loop into your communication with others. It can be very difficult for some to understand and engage if you are doing the vast majority of the talking in a monologue manner. It might be best to speak in short segments. Doing so provides the space for the other party to say something. It affords them the opportunity to ask questions or clarify what they believe they heard.
If they don’t ask questions, you may want to prompt them with a few questions of your own. Does what I’m saying make sense? Do you have any concerns? What are your thoughts on this? These are all prompts to further engage them.
As they respond to your prompts, it is important for you to be sure you understood what they shared. You could say, “So if I heard you correctly you said…”. Once you are clear, it is important to adapt and adjust your presentation either to incorporate their comments or explain why you cannot at this time. As was said at the start, “if you fail to listen you fail to communicate.” Effective listening is critical and a good measure of your leadership.