Due to the pandemic and the crisis that it caused we took a bit of a detour to focus in on leadership during a crisis. Our effort was an attempt to provide a foundation upon which to build in this difficult area of leadership. While a few posts are probably insufficient, we believe there is enough material available that we can return to the topic we left – people pleasing. You may recall that we ended that post (Am I A People Pleaser?) with a 20- question survey from Charles Stone. We hope you had the chance to take the survey and if not, it might be a good idea to return to it.
Charles Stone mentioned two other very important surveys (Christianity Today, Winter 2014). Over the two surveys of close to 2300 clergy members, on average, about 85% were people pleasers. Assuming we can generalize from these results, there is a good chance that you are a people pleaser. Is that bad?
Priests are in a very unique and difficult position. It seems natural to want to help and serve others – quite often this may be one of the reasons for a vocation. You are constantly being asked to help and it is very often difficult to say no. Those you serve may not expect to hear “no” from you. It is usually more convenient to be agreeable and non-assertive as this makes it easier, doesn’t it? Well yes, and no. But in the long run, the “yes” may come with a steep price.
Paul was aware of that and wrote of it in his letter to the Galatians (1:10) – “Am I now currying favor with human beings or God? Or am I seeking to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a slave of Christ.” Obviously, as pastor, you are dealing with a diverse group of people often involved in difficult situations.
Everyone has a perspective but quite often those involved in church may have more reserved personalities. It is possible that one loud or demanding voice can start to “steer the ship” and challenge your leadership.
You must always remember you are here to accompany people but to serve God. Your desire to please others must be in accord with your mission and vision for the parish. You may get more head nods and smiles when you acquiesce but in the long run it can lead to frustration and confusion for many. People-pleasing leaders are guided by external validation rather than internal values and vision.
People pleasing over the long run at the expense of your internal convictions can impact the joy you experience from your vocation and leading as well as your ability to be an effective leader. It is not easy to change especially if this has been your custom for a while and it is seen as normal. There is no quick fix but ignoring this problem will not correct it. Over our next several posts we will look at ways to begin to address this.