Our last post was focused on working with difficult staff members who are reluctant to accept your leadership and your vision. In some ways, although not pleasant, this may actually be easier to do than a similar situation involving volunteers. As we all know, volunteers are critical to the success of any parish. Because they are giving their time and talent without direct compensation, we are often reluctant to place any demands or conditions upon them which may cause them to leave.
It would be beneficial to review the post dealing with difficult team members because several of those recommendations are relevant to volunteers as well. Having said that, there are unique aspects of working with volunteers which require special attention. Pastor Carey Nieuwhof wrote an excellent article on this topic. https://careynieuwhof.com/5-healthy-ways-to-handle-a-difficult-volunteer/ Some of his thoughts are captured in this post.
It is very important to try to understand several things about the situation before you speak with the volunteer to address things with them. While it is tempting and perhaps easier to ignore the behavior, there are consequences to that. It is easy for the disruptive behavior to impact your broader team and lead to hurtful gossip, blatant or insidious dissent and the formation of factions in the group.
In addition, if possible, you should try to understand the root cause of the disruptive behavior. Could the individual’s actions be due to their ego, a sense of entitlement, or a desire for power and control? The issue could be related to their character, a lack of personal chemistry with you and other team members or something else.
Another area to consider before engaging the person is to understand and accept your role in the issue. Did you clearly set expectations? Was there an action on your part that could have been misunderstood and provoked the response? Did that person feel ignored or not recognized by you?
Once you have considered all the above it is critical that you set up time for a face-to-face meeting in a private setting. Confronting the individual in front of others is inappropriate and may worsen the situation. When engaging the person, you must remember to separate the person from the problem. As clearly as possible you should state the issue in an objective manner.
It is often best to use what can be called a “sandwich” approach. Begin with honest praise, state the issue and affirm the person. As an example, consider this situation. Your DRE is a very religious person who is devoted to the faith but feels parents are too easy on their children. As a result, he is constantly lecturing them on how they need to do more.
A conversation could be: “Joe, I am grateful for your efforts and your strong faith. We want everyone to grow in faith. It is important that to help them, we meet them where they are on their faith journey. Perhaps, if you could be softer in your tone and show them that you understand their difficult job, they might be more responsive. Do you think you could try that? I know you only want what’s best for our youth.”
In the next post we’ll continue to build on this example and discuss next steps.