I am sure you have been in this situation at some point. Your day has been packed with activity – Masses, meetings, hospital visits, etc. You are constantly surrounded by and interacting with individual or groups throughout the day. Even though you are never alone, you feel lonely. Why is that?
You have probably heard the famous axiom, “it is lonely at the top.” While this is true for many leaders it probably rings doubly true for many priests. You experience all the issues that any leader normally encounters except many of them return to families or significant others with whom they can unburden or “lower their guard”. Unfortunately, this is not the case for most priests.
Like corporate leaders, priests face daily imbalances of power such as the “yes, Father” syndrome. It can be difficult to get honest feedback or direction from many staff and parishioners. They may not agree with your decisions but won’t offer a different perspective out of respect for you and your authority.
Due to the scarcity of priests you also are increasingly alone in your parish without brother priests. Without that peer relationship, it may be difficult to identify friends who can truly understand and relate to your situation. Their advice, if offered, may not be practical for you to utilize.
You also face increasing levels of scrutiny. Parishioners and staff often feel they know better and may express disappointment or confusion with your decisions. Rather than feeling validated or supported this may lead you to feel misunderstood and not appreciated. Unfortunately, scrutiny can also come from those outside the parish due to recent scandals.
Another important consideration is that you are often privy to confidential information that you cannot share. Since you are the only one with the complete picture, others may not understand your actions and could distance themselves from what they perceive to be bad decisions.
Finally, there is the pressure of running a parish and having all the responsibility of that being successful resting squarely on your shoulders alone. Yes, you may have volunteers and teams to support your effort but ultimately success or failure is all yours.
Loneliness can also lead to self-isolation as the distance between you and your team grows for all the reasons cited above. This makes it even more difficult to collaborate and communicate effectively with your team.
This can be further complicated as words and actions can be misinterpreted. A comment that you thought was casual or funny could be misunderstood and this can lead to confusion or wrong actions.
It is important at this point to make a subtle but critical distinction. As a priest, you need periods of solitude. This is different than loneliness. Solitude is time set aside to pray and consider your thoughts. Solitude is healthy; loneliness is not. It can lead to poor decisions, stress and compromised physical health.
We will continue to look at this topic in future posts as it is critical to the success of your leadership.